oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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