I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
