just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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