she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
