im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
