My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
