I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You made out with two different species that night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
