Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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