we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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