I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
did i just pee glitter
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
