i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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