College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
