worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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