Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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