you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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