Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
