I accidentally had phone sex last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize