i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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