Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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