he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize