had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Houston, we have a blender
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize