i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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