Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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