please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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