Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize