sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
