I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
