He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
