I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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