its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
