After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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