Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
