Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
