No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
