Im at strip club and am horny
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
