is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
