i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
