lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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