A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
