I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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