You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
