dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is wine microwaveable?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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