someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
