i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize