Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
