sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
