I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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