Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
