New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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