Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
