just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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