STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
