i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
