3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
