Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
