Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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