just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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