i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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