either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
