my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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