So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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