uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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