Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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