dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize