The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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