Apparently you make a good broom.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
