I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
