I have demons in me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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