you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
