Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
