ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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