the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize